Self Love & what Love We Need!

What does self love need.

Healing…

Many say they want to heal or improve themselves, grow spiritually. I did too.

Yet what I’ve witnessed is we really swap our negative unhealthy addictions for deemed “healthier” ones. We use the healing journey as a distraction. We seek others to heal us and get disappointed when they don’t rather than see we are the only person that can heal thy self.

We see healing as a challenge to throw our lost selves into, instead of feeling the pain. As a fight to help us feel less out of control. We swap alcohol for exercise. Binge eating for fasting…Netflix for meditation…without truly getting to root causes and true healing. Same energy different activity. Even if it’s a healthy acceptable one.

We plan to heal. We long too. Pray to get their….yet we actually resist in the journey to get there, because of the trap of perfection and addiction to our addictions!

You see the root cause of ALL and everything, is from Soul entering the physical body in utero to 3/5 years old…. our programming starts…the bombardment of fears and pain from our parents and adults around us. The suppression of emotions is taught by all around us…as that’s normal. The violence and suffering normalised. The numbing out tools perfected. We become masters of building our facades. In fact it’s celebrated. As in all generations before us.

So to find out true healing is to truly feel all the suppressed emotions…layer after layer…to be our true selves, to live by Gods laws….well that’s not easy. It’s easier to perfect a diet, fast longer….juice more…run more…take more supplements, force more…have more tests…even meditate for 4 hours a day! Blame others…find something external…it’s this herb I need…that healer is the answer…endless cycles.

However to feel that pain you’ve trapped down for so long…that’s too much, overwhelming, crippling….so we seek outside of self, perfect the activities, seek. I know it myself. I wanted to perfect healing…be the best at it! I kept tripping up…never reaching the unattainable moving goal. Why when I do it all so “perfectly” am I not in perfect condition, not fully healed.

When I finally understood what I must do…I intellectualised it for ages, I studied it, I helped others achieve it, I rarionized it. Tried to perfect that too. I resisted it…I mean I didn’t think I was…I said the opposite…however I was resisting it…or I’d be healed.

Yesterday I finally felt it in a deep healing with ‘The Journey Work’. I understood true letting go….the allusive letting go I’ve been chasing for years! The gift of surrender and faith. To truly know love. The path I’ve seeked for so long…yet! there lies the problem…I was seeking it…externally….longing for it with hope…yet the hope gave room to doubt and fear. The fear created blocks. Not surrendering into it. So many on the healing journey, like me…skirt around the big truth of healing because it’s not easy to walk the narrow path. It takes removing the fear of feeling the big stuff. It takes faith to sit and feel all the pain. To forgive. To choose love for self and all others, even those who hurt you. To learn what true Divine Love is. To ask God for her love and guidance. To stop suppressing. To live by humility and truth. To have a longing desire to truly heal. To really love yourself and allow Gods love in. To let go of fear and control. It sounds simple…yet to truly feel all at all times, let Gods love through us…live by Gods laws…is not easy. Especially in a world not designed for it. With so many distractions and ways yo suppress and disconnect to God.

Yet that’s where the healing magic is found. In the emotions. In faith. In letting go. In love.

With all my love Hannah x x